Places that Heal

This summer as I watched my 7-year-old splash in Lake Michigan's frothy surf I was overcome with just how lucky we are and how grateful I am to these unsalted waters. They've tamed many aches and always washed hope back up on the shore.

It was this beach where Rick and I decided that we'd tell medical reality to go to hell and dove in headfirst to finally become parents. This is also where we weathered the storms that arose along that journey, always keeping an eagle eye focused on the horizon and the final goal of holding the hand of our very own child. I'll never forget the first time we brought Connor to this beach...the wind on his face made him laugh. It was so healing.

We experienced a blur of loss later that year when my father and brother died. As spring dawned, it was this beach where we returned. It is the perfect place to scream in anger and pound the waves without harming yourself or alarming the neighbors.

We returned with our mom several times over the next couple of years. Often helping her make the seemingly impossible climb down the dune stairs to the beach to revel in the splendor of the setting sun. This view always filled even our broken hearts with the possibility that tomorrow would come and bring beauty and joy. Truly healing.

My younger sisters and I were with our mom on our annual beach getaway when we realized that she was struggling with a serious health issue. There we were in the place we turned for healing, facing a challenge that seemed surreal. We laugh now at our inept bravado as we sat on the deck of my brother's beach house, drinking coffee and mulling what was happening with mom...and one of us had the audacity to say, "God wouldn't do that to us or to her, and if anything happens to mom we're just moving to the beach and putting our heads in the sand."

Mom died in January. The beach was frozen solid and the sand had rearranged the landscape and left a jagged profile in its wake. We kept our heads up and continued with our lives.

That summer we stared at the sunsets and swore we could hear our mom's voice marveling at the beauty. The waves had returned the beach to a sugar soft runway for our children's games. It was a place of healing yet again.

Now, when I swim in those waters and toss a ball on that beach with my sweet little boy, I am overcome by what a sacred place it is for us. It may be littered with tears and broken hearts, but it is certainly also shored up with moments of pure joy and the absolute confidence that life may ebb and flow, but it leaves a lasting memory in its wake.

Soon, our healing place will play host to one of those moments of hope and happiness. Later this month, surrounded by a small group of supporters, my baby sister and her love will marry on our beach and join their families in a lifetime of shared emotion.

They will stand on that beach and absorb the power of all that beauty and healing and transform it into a vow to each other and their children. We will stand united on that beach and allow ourselves to be transfixed by the glory of the setting sun and its promise of another tomorrow...for the bride and groom...and for everyone who has ever needed healing. For everyone who has ever turned to this place where God himself painted the sky and suffused the waters with such glory and peace.

Addendum (9/26/2011): They did it! Marcia and Dave were married on our beach Saturday, September 24, 2011. What a happy, spectacular event for them. We all felt honored to be invited to witness their joyful ceremony. And, really, nothing can convey all of that better than a couple of snapshots (credit to my sister Colleen Fitzgerald for the photos).

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!

Time to take a breather and pay homage to the people, places, and things that made my top 10 for 2010. I learned at a very young age that saying thank you isn't just customary and polite - its required if you want to get anywhere in this world. So, here's my thankful thoughts for the year...

1) Rick and Connor...of course. I'm a lucky girl to have a husband I still love, and even like, after 19 years of marriage! And, we are both blessed beyond words to share our lives with Connor, the 7-year-old whirlwind that makes us reassess every thought and action hundreds of times a day! Thank you boys...always.

2) Mobile Technology...yes, my name is Maureen and I'm a BlackBerry addict. Wow, has this little device changed my life! Clients never know if I'm responding to a business question from my office or the beach...fantastic. Yes, I could go even further down the slippery slope of mobile computing with other devices, but I'm a little fearful that I'd stop participating in real life conversations and simply resort to texts and emails even when the person I want to connect to is in the same room! Moderation, people!

3) My Little Sisters...We became a packaged deal at a very young age, our six older siblings referred to us as "The Three Little Girls." We hated that. But, we love each other. And, they don't call us that anymore...much. We can still share clothes and shoes, but most often we are sharing a laugh, advice, and lots of love.

4) CoffeeMate French Vanilla Sugar Free Creamer...finally! Love this stuff and now I can ramp down on the insulin intake to cover it. Thank you Nestle!

5) Symlin...since we're talking about that insulin intake, I need to give a 2010 nod to my new Symlin injectable pen. Thank you for making better use of my insulin intake. It triggers me to notice that I'm actually full (surprisingly much ealier than I would have imagined - guess that's why those 15 pounds have crept onto my hips over the past few years!) and encouraging more effective digestion of the food I take in. Bravo to all the smarty pants biomedical engineers who worked on this drug. You are helping to make me a healthier person...thanks!

6) NetFlix and Roku...ahhhh, the wonder twins! Thank you for combining forces and bringing so many Scooby Doo movies into my home on command and without charging me for each one. We love movies around here and that can be an expensive obsession. But, the power of technology puts countless movies and tv shows at our fingertips for no additional cost...and Connor can operate it by himself. Joy!

7) Cousins...in general, I have a huge group of incredible cousins, and I love when we reconnect. But, specifically, I'm so grateful for the trio of cousins that belong to my sisters and I. We were each blessed with one child and the three of them have shared many moments in the past seven years (give or take a few months). I'm so grateful that Connor has Ryleigh and Reagan to share his life with - even though they often fight like siblings! That's part of the package!

8) Memaw...she promised my mom that she'd be there for us even after Marcia and her son divorced, and she's more than lived up to that. Carol Nauta is an incredible example of the kind of person I aspire to be. She loves my son like her own grandchildren and makes him feel special just for being Connor. And, she offers a shoulder to cry on or an embrace of love whenever it is needed by me or my sisters. The joy on Connor's face when she surprises him at a football, soccer, or little league game is infectious and reminds me of how much we need her. Thank you, Carol. I'm grateful every day that we got to keep you in the divorce!

9) My 2001 Ford Taurus SEL...what can I say, my old Bessie may be dinged up but she's still got life in her veins! Rick and I bought out my dad's lease on this car when we were waiting to adopt Connor. At the time there was a possibility that we'd find ourselves the parents of twins and my adorable Audi A4 just wasn't going to cut it for double stroller duty! My dad serviced his cars religiously and detailed them incessantly. It was barely broken-in when I took possession. At the time I thought I'd drive it for a couple of years...and here I am! She's given us some concern over the past year, but still doesn't show any signs of needing to retire. And, its funny, but I really love her now and can't imagine myself driving anything else (well, okay, that's a lie - I've got rag top dreams, but we don't talk about stuff like that in front of Bessie, she's sensitive!).

10) Lake Michigan beaches...especially Pentwater, but really, I'm thankful for all of the shoreline! What a gorgeous treat we have here in West Michigan! These beaches are perfect for dreamers, toddlers, crazy teens, and cooler toting moms...and everyone in between. If you haven't had the joy of spending an afternoon or evening on one of these beaches, please let me know. I'm happy to show you around!

Transitions

Rick's stepdad, the man who raised him, Richard D. Cook, died last week at the age of 73. Rick had the good fortune to stay with him at the Hospice House in Jackson for his final few days, offering comfort as Dick made this last transition in his life's journey.

Rick does not remember any other father, this was the person who taught him how to pitch a baseball and drive a car (a stick shift VW beetle complete with an ice scraper for the inside of the windshield!). Dick was the primary disciplinarian in his life, and when Rick is scolding our son Connor for some indiscretion I often call him "Richard D. Cook" -- and, yes, oddly, his kids did refer to him by his full name with middle initial. No idea why!


Looking back at Dick's life and his relationship with his children has brought many transitions into focus. The first is obvious -- the day he married Rick' mother and agreed to parent her five young children in addition to his own two boys. Wow! Talk about a transition.

Over the years Dick's relationship with his children made many transitions, following the ebb and flow of the marriage that made them all a family in the first place. Eventually developing into adult respect and friendship. I recall the first trip that Rick and I made to visit Dick at his home in Florida. We were living in the Chicago area and both had just completed our master's degrees. As we sat on the balcony of his apartment, watching the Gulf of Mexico transition from sun dappled azure waves to the smoky and mysterious chop of evening, I had the priviledge of listening as a father told his son just how proud he was of the man he had become.  My father-in-law was not overly effusive. But, in his more relaxed retirement in the Sunshine State, he found the perfect way to offer the highest praise a child seeks. Respect and pride. Nice transition, Dad.

Dick had perfect joy when relating to his grandchildren. He gloated about their every achievement, from phenomenal or just passable sports accomplishments to academic honors or sometimes simply passing grades to cutting a first tooth or taking that first tottering step - each accomplishment gave him more reason to be proud. The transition to grandparent was one he truly loved, all of the love without any of the disciplinary responsibilities! Perfect.

In his final days we talked about where he wished he could be, where he could go in his mind to help remove himself from the pain he felt so intensely within his body. He smiled as I asked if it would be the sugar white sands on the Gulf of Mexico in Florida, kicking back on a chaise lounge chair and watching the sun drop slowly into the diamond strewn water. His smile was so serene as I spoke, I knew he was perfectly in the moment and maybe even feeling that ocean breeze on his skin. In classic form, it was when I suggested that he'd probably be sipping on a pina colada while sitting on the beach that he squeezed my hand for the first time that day.

I like to think that now he's found his perfect piece of paradise on a gorgeous, white washed sand bar and that he'll keep on strumming his guitar and smiling...enjoying the rest of the journey and whatever transitions may be waiting beyond our touch.